Black is classic…but pink is cute too!
Black is classic…but pink is cute too!
I found so much information on this, I am not sure I will be completing this in time tonight. I am sad about that as Sir gave me a full week to do this, and here I am down to the wire. He even noted that surely a week would be long enough…and I had said yes, of course! It just seemed some of the information was so overwhelming, I had to step away and come back to it- making sure I understood by re-reading it. Again it should be noted that there is no one way to handle rituals, protocols, rules…it all varies on each D/s relationship and what works for that particular couple. I found several House pages listing miles of rules, rituals, conduct…but I also found many pages and comments with perhaps 3-5 rituals, and each person saying “We may not have many, but it works for us…”
I discussed protocols in my previous post, but for a refresher: a protocol is a behavior, or set of behaviors, assigned for a particular place, for a certain period of time, or during certain situations. There can be varying degrees (low, medium, high) but they usually do not happen regularly.
Rituals however, are specific behaviors that happen at the same time, every day (or specific days that are selected). It’s especially easy to build rituals at key points such as when you awake, start the workday, end the workday (or arrive at home) and before sleep at night. Often given by your Dom, they are key in centering yourself as a sub, finding your focus. There are no surprises to rituals or hidden agendas. This is especially helpful on high stress days when you might not be in just the right mood or mindset, or feeling a disconnect to your submission because of being overly busy. Rituals should serve a purpose and should be pleasing to both sub and Dom alike, connecting them.
Rituals can also aid a Dom in learning and knowing about his sub. Is she taking her submissive role seriously and performing her daily tasks? If she is not…why? Does she make excuses and whine? Or does she fess up and accept responsibility?? Is she no longer interested in her role as a sub? Is something else bothering her? All little red flags that should encourage communication. 🙂
Sir asked me to come up with a list of rituals. I thought this would be the easy part…heck no! I found so many, such a spectrum..this is where the task got tricky for this girl, but here goes!! A few of my findings included:
1. Serving Sir his beverage of choice in the morning and/or evening.
2. Keeping a journal.
3. Saying a daily affirmation/mantra.
4. Lighting candles, perhaps while bathing (together or alone) or before/during a particular scene.
5. Bathing/massaging/oiling Sir’s feet.
6. Use of incense, scented candles, or aroma therapy oils.
7. Burning a release letter as a symbol of letting go- perhaps of a fear from a past experience that inhibits your current relationship.
8. Creating a collage of the essence of your desires.
9. Finding a quiet spot and just breathing. Long, deep breaths until relaxed…meditation.
10. Cleaning – a particular room/area, making the bed, doing laundry.
11. Dressing – in particular garments for the day, at play time or for bed.
12. Eating- serving Sir first. Perhaps asking for permission to fix your own plate once he has been taken care of. Or more strict, to help him observe your diet…or asking for permission for certain foods such as dessert.
13. Greetings- saying hello or goodnight in a particular manner. I will note, Sir and I have kind of started this already…whenever he leaves for the evening, i give him a kiss goodnight and wish him sweet dreams. I also make sure to email every morning- wishing him a good day and to let him know I am thinking of him. 🙂
14. Grooming- such as shaving, showering or hair brushing. Several folks noted on doing this together…which I would be inclined to enjoy.
15. Posture- Kneeling, sitting or standing in a particular way when beside your Dom. Perhaps even when out walking in public, keeping to his right, 2 steps behind him.
16. Exercise- Stretching and taking care of your health, assuring you are healthy for him and available for his use.
17. Permissions- In virtual worlds..asking to BRB. Asking for permission to masturbate, to use a particular toy or to cum.
18. Inspection Time – Evaluating girls appearance- hair, clothes, makeup satisfactory? Perhaps telling Sir the color of your panties everyday, if allowed to wear them.
19. Presenting his cock- it is kissed, adored, sucked. And further if the Dom desires. 🙂 Or perhaps it could be done daily, waking your Dom up orally…assuming the same position every time while His may change (such as always on all 4s).
20. Maintenance spankings…not necessarily for punishment, tho it could be included..but also as a means to release a girls emotions, pent up feelings.
21. Reports – researching and writing a report on a new topic each week. This one too is quite familiar already! 🙂
22. Collaring/Leashing – Presenting in a specific way to your Dom when your collar and/or leash is placed on.
23. Triggers- The Dom initiating a trigger, instantly putting the girl into subspace. Some rituals included the Dom sliding his left hand up the girls neck, holding her throat, kissing..then whispering all the things he planned to do to her that evening…calling her names…pulling her hair.
24. Praising – Who doesn’t love to hear it? To thank your Dom for his care, his actions…or to praise your girl for exceptional service.
25. Reminders/Needs- A specific action (if not one of the above!) to remind yourself of your ownership. Perhaps every morning, while still in bed..pinching your nipples and repeating “Yes Sir.” Relax, think about your needs, if any, and communicate them to your Dom.
As far as my favorite three, hmmm…since our relationship will never be RL, it would be journaling, creating a collage, my daily emails, greetings, permissions… That’s more than three, but I do think I could enjoy all or most on this list quite frankly. 🙂
Sir has instructed me to do some research on Protocols- Low, Medium and High. And give examples of each that we might find ourselves within. Protocols, hmm. I thought I was well informed, been around the block persay in D/s ways…but protocols? That’s something I had not heard before. This should be easy, right? Not really. The more I seemed to dig, the more I found..and the more complex it seemed to become!
So, what is the Dictionary’s definition of protocol?
Protocol is most often used when talking about the rules of government or official agencies. It is derived from the French and refers to the correct rules of etiquette for diplomats.
The term protocol is used in many areas besides diplomatic ones. School marching bands or college admissions offices follow protocols, and doctors use them to treat patients with specific conditions. In tech circles, a protocol is a set of standards that programmers follow so that their work can be decoded by other computers. The p in the http of a web address is short for protocol. Without this type of protocol, you would not able to read this page.
|n||forms of ceremony and etiquette observed by diplomats and heads of state|
|n||(computer science) rules determining the format and transmission of data|
Okay…interesting information, but definitely not the right track, well not completely anyways. Protocol…a form of ceremony and etiquette. That makes sense in a D/s light, right? So I refined my search to “submissive protocols”. Aha! Now we were getting somewhere, a LOT of pages came up and I read through several. (I think this is where I first found you Lex…*waves!*) This is also where I started losing track. Some articles spoke of protocols purely as a duty or service (aka rules) between you and your Dominant…others referenced it as a status…and still others seemed to be both: levels of protocols adhered to at certain times depending upon what level of protocol your Dom puts you in. *scratches head* Well, I re-read through all of it once more and hopefully I am on the right track for this assignment.
I also found this quote, which may define them better than I:
“Protocols are also in place at such things as formal collarings, or training workshops, where certain codes of conduct are expected, and should be adhered to by everyone.
Etiquette is like a set of protocols or rules for social situations. Many Dominants like the formal side of D/s so they tend to teach their submissives to use correct etiquette, and to learn what is appropriate and when.”
Got that? 🙂 Now what about the 3 levels of protocol?
Low Protocol – Is very casual, the most easy going of the three protocols. It may be used in an environment such as a family dinner, a vanilla situation where others who may not be aware of your D/s lifestyle are surrounding you. A girl’s submission may not be actively shown at this time, however it is still very much on her mind and she still shows respect- perhaps so subtle that only her Sir would recognize it.
I think this is a given state at all times, perhaps even medium, anytime you are with your Dom…or not. Perhaps not for all subs, but i try my hardest in always striving to be pleasing, to obey, to act as i’ve been (will be?) taught. I am the happiest when He is happy.
Medium/Public Protocol – Seems to be only slightly elevated than low protocol. Everything is less subtle and actions such as being allowed to wear your collar at the dinner table, while doing housework or perhaps even going grocery shopping are permitted. A girl is able to speak freely, but still very mindful of what is said and of being respectful. I think this would be the most common protocol in a 24/7 situation, especially if no kids were around. I think if children were present, low protocol might be more commonplace- except for of course the times where a girl and her Dom could be alone… *winks*
High/Club Protocol – There seems to be a BIG jump from medium to high protocol, and this is the most “demanding” of the three. There is no hiding of your D/s status in public, might even be considered flaunting it (well hopefully my Sir would like to show off how well trained his girl is, right??). When a girl is instructed by her Dom and put on high protocol, girl’s focus and attention is ONLY on her Dom- speaking to only Him (unless he tells her otherwise). She should be sure that she is acting/behaving properly and accordingly to the situation. She should also position herself as taught by her Dom such as a specific kneel beside him, with eyes lowered. Places this could transpire at would include formal D/s meetings such as a munch, club, or party..but it is not limited to that. One sub commented that her Sir put her on high protocol at home, leashed to him the entire day and doing everything for him: getting his newspaper, cleaning his shoes, sitting beside him, etc. was the anniversary of her Mother’s death, and he knew she needed to find her focus in order not to wallow in her grief. She said it helped tremendously, and I must say I can empathize with that and see where it certainly would.
(And even after all this..I still somehow want to keep typing protocal!! )
Very often you hear the term sub-frenzy- which is the overwhelming need to experience submission. The submissive will do anything to achieve it, no matter how stupid or un-safe an environment they put themselves in. I fully admit, I have been guilty of doing this. However, with recent events, I am left wondering…is there such a thing as Dom-frenzy? A need equal, yet opposite of sub-frenzy? Where the Dom has the overwhelming need to dominate…no matter what the situation. No matter who the girl is, or even if a girl is already collared. Where is it only His wants and needs that seem to matter. I wonder this because I have had a few “friends” I’ve been talking with who are Doms, and who I have known for some time…who have suddenly seemed to go crazy and want to lock their collars on me. Some even have other subs, SL and RL…so, why?? Is it purely just a control issue? Their words and actions speak only for themselves and their wants. I don’t even think it is necessarily me that they want, but the fact that I have accepted another’s collar makes it a challenge for them?? First one to collar all the sluts wins?? Sir and I spoke briefly about this the other night…but it’s still been on my mind as yet another gent had come forward last night. Is this perhaps just an SL thing, like the “Masters” who like to hoard girls? A stream of fakers? Making up for RL insecurities or issues by being the big, tough guy that can get all the chicks online? Lindens can buy you the hottest of avatars, true…however your attitude- well, once a prick, always a prick. Confidence is sexy, not cockiness- and yes, it absolutely can be picked up through text.
Names will be omitted, but these are examples of what I mean. And, yes, at times I asked further when I perhaps should have simply muted..but it was rather eye opening!
C: are you frigthened of committing to more for Me?
Ash: i am not frightened, but as said earlier i am already talking with another Dom
C: I see. So..you arent interested in a future as an upstairs slave for Me here?
Ash: Your home is nice, and you and your girl seemed to be also…but i do have issues in being part of a harem so to speak. And I do hope for more RP then just sitting in a cell
C: I see
Ash: And it is not a guarantee I could even make it to be an upstairs slave hmm? First i must prove myself..what if i cannot?
C: then you are released or sold
Ash: what is the difference in upstairs slaves, other than dress?
C: they get freedoms- they are not confined to cells, they get to go out of the castle when I permit, they get to go shopping go to other sims, etc.
Ash: so very different
C: than being downstairs?
C: intentionally so, yes
C: you cannot even serve a little time in y crevat for ME?
Ash: serve a little time?
C: yes, give ME a few hours in bondage
C: you cant do that?
Ash: and if the other Dom signs online, how will that look to him? I’ve been talking with him for nearly a week now, purposefully taking our time not to rush- it will look like im a velcro collar girl, no?
C: No, it will be doing him a favor, perhaps making a better, more decisive dom of him
Things that make you go hmm, hmm?
And what of this?
J: Hello again toy.
Ash: hello Sir
J: Tell me girl, do I frighten you?
Ash: No Sir
J: And does it matter where you are and what you are doing when you are called on by a Master?
Ash: yes, it does
J: No it doesn’t, you come running when you are called girl. You are here to serve, everything else is a luxury that you are allowed to have when it does not interfere with your service.
Ash: This isn’t Gor…we are on Earth. And even so, if I was talking with other Masters, it is rude to them, no?
J: Not that I have staked my claim on you first.
Ash: You have not collared me?
J: I intend to once I have finished assessing you and deciding if I want to keep you. Of course it’s obvious you need a lot of retraining.
Ash: And if i dont wish to be kept?
J: Who was asking your opinion?
Ash: A sub has a right to express her opinion
J: Yes she does, but it doesn’t mean that her opinion will be heeded. A Woman has no Rights.
Ash: Well would you like to speak with the Dom whose collar i will be taking upon my neck? you never even friended me, yet you wanted to collar me? i don’t understand.
J: I was actually planning on doing that tonight toy. The last couple of times we spoke you were not very attentive.
Ash: i cant control my net, and i did not think the request to strip was fair as i had said i was in other convos?
J: You thought? Is it your place to question the instructions you are given?
Ash: So again you wished me to be rude to the Dom i was speaking with?
J: I wished for you to follow the instructions I give you, as you are well aware of my intentions to collar and train you.
Ash: No i was not aware..even tonight you said you hadn’t made up your mind to collar me?
J: If I had no interest at all in collaring you, why would I be wasting my time talking to you. The assessment is to see if there is anything about you that would make me longer wish to collar and train you.
Ash: so talking to me was a waste of time either way
J: And why is that?
Ash: you said it would be wasting time talking to me if not interested. we started talking weeks ago, no add as a friend…i cannot presume you are so serious
J: Oh so my manner to you was not serious?
Ash: collaring i do take seriously. i give up. i am taking a collar, by one who thinks i’m actually well trained already- so i am sorry that i was an asshole and wasted all your time
J: I decide if it was a waste of my time or not, and I still intent to collar you and train you as mine own.
Ash: So you wish to speak with my Master about that?
J: Oh please, I’ll just wait till he leaves like all the others that have owned you, I’m a patient man.
Ash: wow, thanks very much for that..shows how compassionate you are.
J: What does compassion have to do with taking you as my property and breeding and using you like the object that you are?
Ash: i am not an object, i am not a robot. i have feelings and emotions…which you obviously lack.
J: You are an object to be owned and used, and if you are a good toy then you earn the rights I wish for you have.
Ash: Which would be none since you have no compassion for a girl?
J: I do have compassion for a girl who strives to obey and please me.
Ash: i dont see how when you only view her as an object, not permitted feelings or thoughts
J: You are permitted feelings and thoughts, and you are allowed to express them. But the only thing that matters is what I wish of you.
Ash: That is not what you said earlier? ” You thought? Is it your place to question the instructions you are given?”
J: Read the second sentence I said. The only thing that matters is what I wish of you.
And it continued. I explained to him no I was not going to obey him, no I was not going to play with him, no I was not going to do as he told me- I have found a Sir whom I value and was not going to betray him by doing ANYTHING with J, surely he could understand that as a Dom? Nope. It just instigated more and more connotations of how untrained I was since I was not listening to HIM…mute.
I cannot say I have encountered this before, and to have several Doms act this way in one week (I believe J made #4)…what the hell is going on??
“In one way or another I’ve always suffered. I didn’t know why exactly. But I do know that I’m not so scared of suffering now. I feel more than I’ve ever felt and I’ve found someone to feel with. To play with. To love in a way that feels right for me. I hope he knows that I can see that he suffers too. And that I want to love him.”
i can’t say it much better than that right now.
“I love your silences, they are like mine. You are the only being before whom I am not distressed by my own silences. You have a vehement silence, one feels it is charged with essences, it is a strangely alive silence, like a trap open over a well, from which one can hear the secret murmur of the earth itself.” ~Anais Nin