I found so much information on this, I am not sure I will be completing this in time tonight. I am sad about that as Sir gave me a full week to do this, and here I am down to the wire. He even noted that surely a week would be long enough…and I had said yes, of course! It just seemed some of the information was so overwhelming, I had to step away and come back to it- making sure I understood by re-reading it. Again it should be noted that there is no one way to handle rituals, protocols, rules…it all varies on each D/s relationship and what works for that particular couple. I found several House pages listing miles of rules, rituals, conduct…but I also found many pages and comments with perhaps 3-5 rituals, and each person saying “We may not have many, but it works for us…”
I discussed protocols in my previous post, but for a refresher: a protocol is a behavior, or set of behaviors, assigned for a particular place, for a certain period of time, or during certain situations. There can be varying degrees (low, medium, high) but they usually do not happen regularly.
Rituals however, are specific behaviors that happen at the same time, every day (or specific days that are selected). It’s especially easy to build rituals at key points such as when you awake, start the workday, end the workday (or arrive at home) and before sleep at night. Often given by your Dom, they are key in centering yourself as a sub, finding your focus. There are no surprises to rituals or hidden agendas. This is especially helpful on high stress days when you might not be in just the right mood or mindset, or feeling a disconnect to your submission because of being overly busy. Rituals should serve a purpose and should be pleasing to both sub and Dom alike, connecting them.
Rituals can also aid a Dom in learning and knowing about his sub. Is she taking her submissive role seriously and performing her daily tasks? If she is not…why? Does she make excuses and whine? Or does she fess up and accept responsibility?? Is she no longer interested in her role as a sub? Is something else bothering her? All little red flags that should encourage communication. 🙂
Sir asked me to come up with a list of rituals. I thought this would be the easy part…heck no! I found so many, such a spectrum..this is where the task got tricky for this girl, but here goes!! A few of my findings included:
1. Serving Sir his beverage of choice in the morning and/or evening.
2. Keeping a journal.
3. Saying a daily affirmation/mantra.
4. Lighting candles, perhaps while bathing (together or alone) or before/during a particular scene.
5. Bathing/massaging/oiling Sir’s feet.
6. Use of incense, scented candles, or aroma therapy oils.
7. Burning a release letter as a symbol of letting go- perhaps of a fear from a past experience that inhibits your current relationship.
8. Creating a collage of the essence of your desires.
9. Finding a quiet spot and just breathing. Long, deep breaths until relaxed…meditation.
10. Cleaning – a particular room/area, making the bed, doing laundry.
11. Dressing – in particular garments for the day, at play time or for bed.
12. Eating- serving Sir first. Perhaps asking for permission to fix your own plate once he has been taken care of. Or more strict, to help him observe your diet…or asking for permission for certain foods such as dessert.
13. Greetings- saying hello or goodnight in a particular manner. I will note, Sir and I have kind of started this already…whenever he leaves for the evening, i give him a kiss goodnight and wish him sweet dreams. I also make sure to email every morning- wishing him a good day and to let him know I am thinking of him. 🙂
14. Grooming- such as shaving, showering or hair brushing. Several folks noted on doing this together…which I would be inclined to enjoy.
15. Posture- Kneeling, sitting or standing in a particular way when beside your Dom. Perhaps even when out walking in public, keeping to his right, 2 steps behind him.
16. Exercise- Stretching and taking care of your health, assuring you are healthy for him and available for his use.
17. Permissions- In virtual worlds..asking to BRB. Asking for permission to masturbate, to use a particular toy or to cum.
18. Inspection Time – Evaluating girls appearance- hair, clothes, makeup satisfactory? Perhaps telling Sir the color of your panties everyday, if allowed to wear them.
19. Presenting his cock- it is kissed, adored, sucked. And further if the Dom desires. 🙂 Or perhaps it could be done daily, waking your Dom up orally…assuming the same position every time while His may change (such as always on all 4s).
20. Maintenance spankings…not necessarily for punishment, tho it could be included..but also as a means to release a girls emotions, pent up feelings.
21. Reports – researching and writing a report on a new topic each week. This one too is quite familiar already! 🙂
22. Collaring/Leashing – Presenting in a specific way to your Dom when your collar and/or leash is placed on.
23. Triggers- The Dom initiating a trigger, instantly putting the girl into subspace. Some rituals included the Dom sliding his left hand up the girls neck, holding her throat, kissing..then whispering all the things he planned to do to her that evening…calling her names…pulling her hair.
24. Praising – Who doesn’t love to hear it? To thank your Dom for his care, his actions…or to praise your girl for exceptional service.
25. Reminders/Needs- A specific action (if not one of the above!) to remind yourself of your ownership. Perhaps every morning, while still in bed..pinching your nipples and repeating “Yes Sir.” Relax, think about your needs, if any, and communicate them to your Dom.
As far as my favorite three, hmmm…since our relationship will never be RL, it would be journaling, creating a collage, my daily emails, greetings, permissions… That’s more than three, but I do think I could enjoy all or most on this list quite frankly. 🙂